When it Comes to Marriage, We are About as Happy as We Make up Our Mind to Be!

True, there are some marriages that have experienced tremendous trauma (such as abuse, infidelity, and neglect). In order to find happiness, those marriages likely need the help of a trained therapist. Gratefully, for the rest of us, we actually get to decide how happy we want to be within our marriage.
Don’t believe me?? Well, read on!
We Decide if We will Give our Spouse the Benefit of the Doubt



In happier marriages, couples seem to have a positive filter that influences the way that they respond to each other – even during times where offense, frustration, disappointment, or anger would be natural responses. Dr. John Gottman refers to this as positive sentiment override.
In other words, there is so much positivity built up in the marriage that the disappointment of the moment is more easily overlooked because of the overarching kindness and love within the relationship.
Simply put, positive sentiment override is the conscious and consistent decision for us to give the benefit of the doubt to our spouse. Or, as a wise colleague of mine has stated, when we don’t know one’s motives, we default to an assumption of goodwill (see this previous article for more additional information).
Happiness Tip #1 – Remember, choosing to give the benefit of the doubt is our choice. Though this may be difficult at times, as we consistently make this choice, we choose a happier marriage!
We Decide if We will Forgive our Spouse
You’ve heard this quote from 18th-centurty English poet Alexander Pope: “To err is human, to forgive, divine.”
While this transcendent principle is true in so many aspects of life, it is my professional opinion that constant and complete forgiveness is a critical component for anyone choosing to create a happy marriage................................................................................

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